I was inspired reading Grognardia today, and decided to make up a relic.

St. John the Enumerator was a blessed clark and keeper of accounts for the holy church of Nomo. After extended service, in which he kept the church’s accounts afloat even through the years of Pontiff Palaithian the Decadent. For his ability to keep the church in the black, he was named a saint and his abacus was declared a relic of the church.

If only they knew how John kept the church afloat, the deals he made and the price he and others had to pay.

The Abacus of St. John the Enumerator

The abacus is a simple instrument made of oak, copper shafts and glass beads. In the moonlight, a careful observer can make out tiny motes of dancing light within the beads. Within each bead is locked the soul of a young priest of the church, an innocent true believer murdered by John’s own hand and interred in the ossuaries in the catacombs beneath Nomo’s streets, never to be discovered.

The abacus has ten rows divided into two sections. The larger section held five beads on each row, the smaller section held two beads. All of the beads are no longer remaining on the abacus.

The abacus projects a protection from evil, 10′ radius effect that, unfortunately, in ineffective of any evil creature summoned by or connected with the abacus. It also creates a sanctuary effect in whatever building it is placed in, an effect which is also ineffective against evil creatures summoned by or connected with the abacus. Because of these effects, the abacus is believed to be a holy relic rather than an unholy one.

By touching a bead in the larger section and focusing on a person, their current whereabouts appear in the toucher’s mind, per a crystal ball. If the person harbors ill feelings toward the person they are viewing, one of the following effects occurs, even if the user of the abacus does not knowingly will it to occur. The toucher of the abacus must make their own saving throw or one of the following effects occurs:

1. Lose one level or hit dice
2. Lose 1d4 points of charisma; in essence, they are disfigured
3. Lose 1d4 points of wisdom; in essence, they are driven slightly mad
4. Lose 1d4 points of constitution; in essence, they begin wasting away
5. The remains of the victim whose soul is encased in the bead is animated as a spectre and seeks the toucher out to destroy them.
6. They are affected by the bead’s curse instead of the toucher’s target

If any of these effects kill the person, a pit fiend appears in a cloud of sulfur and blue fire and collects their body and soul.

Lust: The target is struck as though by a suggestion spell with no saving throw. They feel the same lust towards the toucher of the abacus and must go to them that night to consummate their feelings. Once the act is consummated, this lust turns to repulsion.

Jealousy: The target’s ability score most tied to the object of jealousy is lowered by 1d4 points and those points are transferred to the toucher of the abacus. The feelings of jealousy are now transferred to the target in relation to the toucher.

Hate: The target is struck with mummy rot. As they slowly rot and die, the toucher is himself struck by a discoloration of the skin, which first turns yellowish, then mottled black and purple and finally a deathly white. When the person finally dies, the toucher returns to normal, but loses the ability to love or be loved.

The beads can also be used in another way. Touching a bead, it can be used to cast a cleric spell of a level equal to the row number minus one. In other words, beads in row one can be used to cast 0-level orisons, while beads in row 10 can be used to cast 9th level spells. When this is done, the bead turns to dust and the soul is released from it with a terrible shriek. The soul then returns to its remains in the catacombs and animates them as a spectre to hunt down the user of the bead. Spells cast from these beads impose a -5 penalty to saving throws made against them.

A lawful cleric using the abacus cannot remain lawful. With the first use, they become neutral, and with the second chaotic. A third use consigns their soul to Mammon, the arch-devil patron who helped John keep the church afloat all those years.

Just got an art book by Steve Prescott delivered yesterday (Aggregate – buy it, won’t you) and was inspired by the chick on the cover.

Bangles of Bakram: These two bangles are carved from wood and each bears a small hole in it. The bangles were originally worn as earrings by Bakram, a highly skilled and deadly monk who weighed in the neighborhood of 350 pounds. If worn as earrings again, these items grant the wearer the abilities of a monk 5 levels, or, if you have no levels as a monk, a 5th level monk. Most folk make the mistake of wearing them as bracelets. When put on the wrists, the bangles grant the same ability, but also grant the wearer Bakram’s weight. Ballooning to 350 pounds, the person suffers a -2 penalty to their constitution score and is treated as though they are carrying their extra weight as added encumbrance.

Armlets of Devolution: These armlets, when placed around the biceps, hold tight and cannot be removed. The armlets act as rings of protection +1. Each week, the wearer must pass a saving throw or their body and mind “devolves”. Elves devolve initially into half-elves and then humans. Other demi-humans devolve into humans (of the same general height as their original race). Once human, or if they began as humans, they devolve first into a Neanderthal and then into an albino ape. Once the person has been changed into an albino ape, the armlets release from them. Changing back requires a wish.

Bracelet of Missile Deflection: These thick bracelets of gold, when clasped around the wrists, grant a +2 bonus to Armor Class against missile attacks. Moreover, when the wearer is attacked by magic missiles, they can make a saving throw to not only avoid the attack, but to deflect those missiles back at their caster.

Bracelet of Reaching: This single bracelet is made of bronze and engraved with a triangle pattern. It is normally kept off of one’s wrist, for when it is put on a person’s hand disappears and can be projected, by the wearer, from any similarly sized hole in their view. This could be the top of a vase, another bracelet, a large key ring, a mouse hole, etc. The bracelet can be pushed up to the shoulder if the wearer wishes, with their projected hand (which is part of their body and can be damaged normally) extending to the same length.

Bracers of Magnetism: These iron bracelets are set with large hematites. When clanged together, they can pull any small iron or steel item to the bracelets. If the item is held, the holder can make a strength check to hold onto their item; the bracelets pull with a strength of 25. If a sharp item is pulled to the wearer, they must pass a saving throw to avoid being hit and damaged by that item as though it was wielded by a person with a strength of 25.

Dragon Bracers: These bracers are made from the hide of a blue dragon. Once per day, the wearer can cause the bracers to cover their body with the equivalent of leather armor and granting them immunity to lightning attacks. The armor lasts for 10 rounds, but if struck with lightning immediately retract.

1. Bible Belt: This wide leather girdle is studded with large (4”-diameter) medallions depicting in relief the faces of seven saints, spaced evenly around the belt. Around the waist of a neutral character, it provides a constant protection from evil effect, but also utters constant corrections for sinful behavior. Around the waist of a chaotic character, the belt constricts for 1d4 damage per round until removed, all while the faces issue forth howls of rage (potentially attracting wandering monsters). Around the waist of a lawful character, the belt acts as it does around the waist of a neutral, plus the faces chant (per the spell) during combat.

2. Sun Belt: The sun belt is a wide belt of polished brass. The surface of the belt writhes with the red whorls of the Sun’s surface. It grants the wearer immunity to fire and throws up around them a zone of withering heat (5’ radius) that inflicts 1d4 points of damage to plant and cold creatures and makes others uncomfortable (-1 penalty to hit and to AC). During combat, the surface of the belt roils and there is a 1 in 6 chance each round that it emits a solar flare in a 10-ft diameter arc in a random direction: 1 = Front; 2 = Back; 3 = Left; 4 = Right. The flare inflicts 3d6 points of damage to all creatures touched by the flare (saving throw negates). After the belt flares, it goes dormant for 1d6 hours, during which none of its powers are operative.

3. Rust Belt: This belt consists of multiple disks of rusted iron connected by a rusted chain. The character wearing the belt gains the attack form of a rust monster, a power they cannot turn off. In addition, the belt puts out the sub-harmonic vibrations that serve as a mating call to rust monsters, increasing the likelihood of encountering them when underground.

4. Corn Belt: This belt consists of hundreds of colorful, dried kernels of corn attached like beads to a leather belt. The wearer of the Corn Belt becomes as strong as an ox (i.e. hill giant strength), but also as dumb as an ox (intelligence reduced to 3).

5. Borsht Belt: This seemingly innocent leather belt turns its wearer into a Borsht Belt comedian. They have a tendency to complain loudly about things, but their over-the-top humor forces humans, demi-humans and humanoids hearing it to pass a saving throw or focus their attention on the comedian until he’s done with his set.

6. Frost Belt: This belt is composed of interlocking hexagons of silver. When worn, the wearer emits a cone of cold (10-ft long by 5-ft wide at base) each time they open their mouth. Potential damage from the cone of cold accrues at the rate of 1d4 points of damage per turn so long as the person keeps their mouth closed, to a maximum of 10d4 points of damage. As soon as they open it, the cone of cold bursts from their mouth, whether they want it to or not, and the potential damage resets to 0.

If there was a number other than million that started with “m” I would have been clever and used it here, but here are nine magic mineral things. Use them – I command it!

1. A copper-colored crystal, about 4 inches long, that vibrates in the presence of earth elemental creatures. The vibrations begin when you are within 100′ x the Hit Dice of the creature and intensify as you get closer. When you are within 1′ x the Hit Dice of the creature the crystal explodes, sending shards in a 10′ radius and inflicting 1d4 points of damage per person minus their armor bonus.

2. A small, bluish gemstone – maybe 1 inch in diameter. When affixed to the skin of a person’s head, it exudes a soft glow in a 10 foot radius and increases the subject’s intelligence by 1 point (no maximum). Unfortunately, it also permanently robs them of 1d3 points of constitution. One might stud their head with these strange gems, gaining even godlike intelligence at the cost of their health and possibly life. Once affixed, it cannot be removed without boring into the person’s skull. Keep in mind – raising your character’s intelligence to godlike levels is probably useless if there’s no reward for having a godlike intelligence score – see Gods, Demigods & Heroes or Legends and Lore for more.

3. This leather bag of gravel looks, at first blush, to be completely useless. However, it releases a slow stream of gravel as the bearer walks – essentially leaving a trail to allow them to find their way out of whatever nonsense they have walked into. Of course, it also leaves a trail for others to follow. The gravel never runs out completely.

4. This tiny jewel is bright green in color and seems to give off an electric charge when touched. If stuck in one’s nose, it gives them the olfactory senses of a wolf. If placed in the ear, it gives one of the auditory abilities of an elf. If placed in the eye, it hurts. If swallowed, it takes about one week to move through the digestive system. The jewel is actually an alien artifact that was miniaturized when it passed into our dimension. If the jewel is ever in the presence of an enlargement spell, it returns to its full, normal size as a geodesic domed vessel 40 feet in diameter carrying a crew of 30 misshapen avian quadrupeds that look vaguely like a cross between buzzards and orangutans. The creatures, called bangisps, are captained by a suave gentleman called Ufixya who fights as a 7th level fighter.

| Bangisp: HD 2; AC 6 [13]; Atk 1 slam (1d4+1) or 1 weapon; Move 12; Save 16; CL/XP 3/60; Special: Sixth sense – allows them to re-roll all saving throws and improves their armor class by +2 (already included). Soldiers wear plasteel suits (treat as chainmail, but heavy as leather) and carry electro-rods that can deliver 2 dice shocks in melee combat or 1 dice shocks in ranged combat with a max range of 20 feet.

5. This piece of masonry looks like a dull red brick. When tapped forcefully against the floor, it quickly multiplies into a brick wall up to 30 feet long and high. The wall lasts for 1 hour (no more, no less) and is in all respects a normal brick wall (consider it about half as strong as a wall of stone).

6. This large medallion appears to be made of a silvery metal as strong as steel. It is stamped with a symbol consisting of four interlocking circles. When worn as a pectoral, it gives one the fighting abilities of six men (i.e. level 6 fighting-man), but only while rescuing a maiden.

7. This small hammer is highly prized by the dwarves. Lost for several millennia, it has the ability to create a vein of metal (user’s choice) when tapped against stone. The vein runs for 1 mile and must be refined to be of any use. The vein creates as triple strength earthquake on either end when created.

8. This gray cloak, when thrown over the head of a crouching person, not only makes them look like a boulder, but is also as strong as stone.

9. This pebble looks like a tiny river stone. When tossed into a room, it creates a bubble of force that shoves people and objects in the room violently against the walls (1d6 points of damage) – probably only enough to destroy fragile materials and objects. If a person holding the pebble is knocked around a bit, or falls to the ground, there is a 3 in 6 chance the pebble “goes off” inadvertantly.