Horses Are Sooooo 1978

Or whenever the paladin was first published. I wanted to be clever with the title, but not to the degree that I was going to do five seconds of research with Google.

Paladins, at 5th level, can undertake a quest to obtain a very intelligent mount. Depending on the edition you play, this mount either hangs out with you all the time and sorta requires you to hire a groom or page or whatever to look out for it when you’re in a dungeon, or it just pops into existence whenever it is convenient. You can probably guess which concept I like better.

But what if … what if there were more options than that super-clever wonder horse? Well, how about these …

(Use as inspiration, or roll randomly with a D12)

1. Mechanical Warhorse – requires a quest to settle a grudge for the Dwarf King, who forged the horse in his own workshop. Just combine an automaton and a heavy warhorse to get the stats. For anti-paladins, the mechanical warhorse is grey and spiky.

2. Putti – I think I did stats for these fellows once (you know, the chubby, winged babies people mistakenly call cherubs or cupids), if not, just make them Lawful (LG) imps. For anti-paladins, just use an imp.

3. Unicorn – but only if the paladin is female. For anti-paladins … not sure.

4. Aasimar Squire – 4 HD, of course. For anti-paladins, a tiefling picaroon.

5. Blink Dog – maybe the quest involves rescuing it from a giant’s kennels. For anti-paladins, a shadow mastiffs.

6. Halo – actually a lantern archon with 4 HD that oftens hangs out around the paladin’s noggin. For anti-paladins, just craft a red-hued evil version of the lantern archon.

7. Relic – the relic is the skull of a cleric which the paladin can communicate with telepathically, and which can cast spells as a 4th level cleric (though not touch spells, obviously).

8. Choir – a choir of four 1 HD lay priests who can chant (as the spell) and inspire (as bards). For anti-paladins, four 1 HD flaggelants with scourges who do the same.

9. Gold Wyrmling – precocious, of course. For anti-paladins, a red wyrmling.

10. Brownie Knight – gained by embarking on a quest for the Fairy Queen, a bit of a curmudgeon. For anti-paladins, a spriggan thug of the Unseelie Court.

11. Elven Sage – an old codger with silver hair who can cast spells as an adept (venerable master). For anti-paladins, a drow alchemist who may or may not be trying to poison their master.

12. Reformed Prostitute – a prostitute who has seen the light and can cast spells as an adept (venerable master; note, the prostitute is not venerable in terms of age, but in terms of the blessings bestowed upon him or her). For anti-paladins, a fallen, alcoholic friar or nun.

10 thoughts on “Horses Are Sooooo 1978

  1. I wouldn't mind that unicorn that breathes fire with the armed cat mascot on it's back: way better than some stodgy old war-horse. If not for specific alignments, I'd like to run a CN paladin with that creature-combo. A built-in flame-thrower and a dangerous cat: what else could a fanatical female knight hope for when calling out “war-horse!”? What a great idea. Anti-paladin = nightmare & hell-hound creature companion. What a great battle that would be! That cat with its pistol vs the hound, the two female knights on their dangerous mythic creature mounts; fire everywhere…it reminds me of the opening scenes of THE NINE PRINCES OF AMBER. I wanna go make a paladin now.


  2. Knew somebody was going to ask me that! I would leave that ruling up to the Ref – do they require a touch spell to be delivered by touching with a hand, or with any part of one's body? Hey, I just generate the nonsense – I leave the details up to the Refs!


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