Blood and Treasure

When the emperor sits down at his table, surrounded by the assembled kings, nobles and merchant princes of his domain, his servants do not serve dishes assembled for their succulence, but rather for their expense. In the world of emperors and kings, one entertains to show his guests just where they stand in relation to the throne – i.e. beneath it. Of course, the table setting is part of the overall effect – plates and utensils of porcelain, silver and gold – but the dishes, composed of rare and wondrous ingredients is just as important if not more so. Thus – the patented Nodian Random Haute Cuisine Generator. With a mere handful of dice, you can cover the tables of nobles, kings and emperor’s alike with meals fit for a gourmet (or gourmand).

The true origin of these tables was in a document I use while stocking my random hex crawls. I call it “The Thesaurus”, and it began as just that – a thesaurus of color words so I didn’t have describe everything red as “red”. It soon expanded to land forms, people and then food and clothing. There are just too many excellent words out there not to attempt to use them all, you know. Having this little storehouse of knowledge, I came up with this as a way to present at least the edible part of it. You can use these tables to concoct strange fantasy recipes (either to serve players as guests, or to send players after on kingly quests) or just use them when trying to stock your own world’s and dungeons.

The process is simple. First, choose a style of dish or roll it randomly on that first table. The style of dish show you how many rolls you must make on the different ingredient tables to discover just what is needed to bring the inventive gourmand’s imagined recipe to fruition.

Once you have determined the style of dish and the ingredients, it is up to you, as Referee, to describe the dish. A few samples are included at the bottom of the page. So grab some dice and get cooking!

Oh – and before I forget, two websites were invaluable in teaching me a bit about medieval cooking: Medieval Cookery and Gode Cookery.

* Indicates that cheese is called for in the recipe, rather than milk

DRINK

EGGS

FRUIT

GRAIN

MEAT

MILK

OIL

SPICES and HERBS

SWEETENER

VEGETABLES

Sample Dishes

The Emperor Norton is hosting a garden party for the luminaries of Brobdinag and Laputa, and his cook has worked up the following dishes to show off. The first is a thick soup of cuttlefish, komatsuna and horse gram spiced with long peppers. This will be preceded by an aspic made with duck eggs with pyrolisk and ackee suspended in it and a chickpea frytour made with cottonseed oil and spiced with Szechuan peppers. Yummy!

Greg at Gorgonmilk posted some of his favorite covers of the venerable Dragon Magazine, and one of them just happens to be one of my favorites as well. So I got this idea – and I challenge the RPG blogosphere to do the same – find your favorite Dragon cover and write up a brief description with stats. Any era or edition (or any set of rules for that matter) – let’s forget the edition nonsense and celebrate a grand old magazine with a little fun and creativity!

For my part, I give you this little beauty from Denis Beauvais

There was much honor to be had in escorting Mirandra, one of the Vestal Virgins of Nomo, to storied Galardis to reconsecrate the Temple of Vesta in that city, recently uncovered from rubble in one of the ruined precincts. For Keiros the Centaur, it was a chance to cement his reputation as a paladin of the highest water, a reputation he had worked especially hard to establish given the proclivity of his people to drinking and fighting. For Gimwold of the Crooked Staff, it meant a chance to delve into the infamous Librarium of Galardis for the lost tomes of the ancient elves. Neither Gimwold and Keiros trusted the canyon bridge they had come to in the Klarkash Mts, but it was a short span, and the men-at-arms and bearers were already grumbling about journeying through those dark and wicked peaks. It was then that Gigatrikh, wretched scion of the great wyrm Yakh Six-Claw, chose to strike. A nubile maiden was just the thing his hoard lacked!

Gimwold of the Crooked Staff, Magic-User Lvl 7: HP 25; AC 8 [11]; Move 12; Save 9 (7 vs. spells); Special: Spells (5/3/2/1). Str 10, Int 16, Wis 13, Dex 14, Con 13, Cha 13. Speaks Common, bugbear, elf, giant and halfling. Equipment: Staff, darts (3).

Keiros the Juste, Centaur Paladin* Lvl 5: HP 24; AC 2 [17]; Move 12; Save 12; Special: Detect evil, protection from evil, immune to disease, cure disease 1/wk, lay on hands (10 hp), turn undead, destrier, carry 150% more than human, +2 AC vs. grapple and overbearing, attack with hooves (1d6). Str 15, Int 9, Wis 12, Dex 11, Con 12, Cha 15. Speaks Common, centaur. Equipment: Platemail, shield, longsword.

Mirandra the Vestal Virgin, Adept Lvl 3: HP 15; AC 9 [10]; Move 12; Save 13; Special: Healer, spells (2 x 1st). Str 10, Int 10, Wis 16, Dex 14, Con 11, Cha 13. Speaks Common. Equipment: Dagger (dropped).

Gigatrikh, Adult Red Dragon: HD 10 (40 hp); AC 2 [17]; Atk 2 claws (1d8), bite (3d10); Move 9 (F24); Save 5; CL/XP 12/2000; Special: Breathes fire (90′ cone, 30′ at base), can speak but not cast spells.

* The centaur race and paladin class can be found in NOD 1